For the past three weeks, I think I did pretty good in reviewing my works making sure that I didn’t make any mistakes. I learned the hard way that I can get in trouble even on times that I least expect, or worst on situations that I am not even involved at all. And the truth is, no one will really cover for me and neither can I trust someone to stand up for me. I am working with great people and that I will never take away from them. I think they are the best in what they do and even I am amazed on how good they are. There are just those times – those unavoidable circumstances – that things just sort of happen and everything just crumbles into this big pile of problem. The worst is that I cannot take myself away from the picture because most if not all accounts start with me, and at the end when something goes wrong they tend to come haunt me.

The past two weeks came particularly hard on me. Yesterday, I had to answer from another team as to why not enough blood was drawn from one of the patients, and adding to that is why a label was placed on a wrong specimen. Two weeks before that, a miscellaneous order was not drawn. The day after, I learned that the new guy did not draw two miscellaneous again. Good thing I saw them lying on the rack because then it would have been easy for them to say it was not there and there is no way I can prove that they were.

What happened today is a total nightmare. It started with a call from a Dr’s office informing us of a stat order for a kidney transplant patient in few hours. When the patient came to the lab, I made sure they were taken in right away. They were registered upfront then they came to us for the lab works. The order was placed accurately and on STAT. Read the rest of this entry »

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As I continue with my journey, I often find myself on the STOP sign. Despite the crossroads and struggles I still manage
to take the right way. It is still a long way but no matter how I see it, I am still moving forward to where I am supposed to…

There are things I want to talk about and yet I can’t seem to find the right words to describe them. I find it really strange. I reached the point where I just am speechless. Nothing to say. No energy to even carry out a conversation. I have lost interest in so many things. I feel so worn out by my everyday struggles that all I want is to give my soul the rest it deserves.

Believe me, I can be pretty patient. However, there are those things I cannot stand at all. One of them was being frozen in some kind of stagnant stage where minutes seemed to last like eternity. I realized that all I desire is just some time alone. A space where I can stop and think, meditate and contemplate. I want to be angry when I have to, to cry when I feel sad. I want to laugh to my heart’s content, and to sit back and watch the sun vanish from the horizon. Carefree. It’s all I want.

That’s why I’ve been wanting to escape… been wanting to run away.  When things got too complicated for me to understand, I wished I was not bound to anything and to anyone. That I can just break free and not to worry about whatever is going to happen. I tried everything to adopt to the situation. When words were just too rough, I carried out a fake smile. I masked my emotions. I hid the pain. The more I did what I thought was right, the lesser my self-esteem became. The truth is when someone think you are totally dependent, it takes away that little pride you have of yourself. And suddenly all you did in return just fades so fast no one even remembers.

So I learned a lesson… and this I am writing to ease my OWN burden. I have heard the worst of words that can break a spirit, that can tear a bond. Though I know anyone can be a probable subject, I am refusing to be under it’s debilitating power. As I have said, though I believe in building bridges; I too have to close my doors when the situations calls for it. I actually got the courage to finally do that.  It came with a price, but I am glad that what it took is of lesser importance to me…

I no longer worry of what’s being thought and being said of me. I figured out, everyone has the right to say something and so do I. It does not even matter who’s got the bigger ally – who’s got who, who’s got what. How many listens, how many actually believe. For me, it is not a battle. It is a journey… and in every journey I go through, I get to learn more about myself in relation to others. I take note of my weaknesses and remember my strengths. In the end, I continue to flourish as I must…

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‘Just got home from my 12-hour shift and I am feeling exhausted. Alyssa wanted to eat adobo for dinner and I cannot even get myself to cook. So we had to drive to the Filipino store to get some ulam. I bought chicken-pork adobo and dinuguan, Alyssa picked up chicharon and a pack of Moo Selecta Choco drink. I paid almost $20.00 for just few items (sigh!). But seriously, I should not even complain about what I pay because compared to the $25 gas/day  that Rolly spends plus the house, the cars, the motorcycle and the bills, my expenses are basically nothing. It’s good to know though that we are able to save some and spend some…

I guess, everybody’s (almost) having same financial issues in one way or another. At work today, we gave $2.00 each for a chance to win the $160M lottery for tomorrow. Everybody’s just hoping we can win, and quit work at the same time! Lol! Funny thought! Deanne said she will travel and won’t stay on one place. Zyg, he said he will still be live the same life he has here in the US but will definitely buy a house in Germany. As for Isella, she will buy everything her two boys want. For me, the very first thing that came to my mind is to pay off my loan to my Mom and Dad.

Money. Money. Money. Who said it will never make you happy? Reality is, money is the reason why we work hard. Without it, we cannot afford the simplest thing we need. Or cannot even dare to dream of the biggest thing the heart desires. It might be the root of all evil as they say, but it does not happen often. I mean, it doesn’t apply to everyone and it just depends on the person. The thing is, money works both ways. And as a human being, you have to choose which way you are going to use it so as not to harm someone else. It is a matter of doing the right thing, and making decisions as we all ought to do.

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The hospital is doing consolidation and I will be affected by the change. Effective July 1st, I might not be under my present manager. She kind of gave me assurance that I don’t have to worry about it because they invested on my training and they’re not going to hire someone and start all over again. If you ask me though, I am not really beating myself up. I always tell myself things happen for a reason, so I try to embrace whatever is facing me and make the best out of it. All I can do right now is gather all knowledge that I can and hope that these will help me in the near future when I pursue what I really want to do…

The fact is there is really no such thing as permanent. Even what you think is sure and secured can turn out the opposite way. The most important thing is to stay happy with what you have and who you are. I am not going to compromise my comfort just to please other people. And the same way as I am not going to push myself into something that is not meant for me. It is just that simple, I think.

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Yesterday, we stayed home almost the whole day. I needed the rest so much after my 12 hour shift on Friday, which I think went fine. I mess up one patient’s order and my Manager was not quite pleased. The good thing though is that one of the tests is clotted so the patient has to come back for redraw. I felt really bad… I should have known better. We were just so busy! I know it should not be a reason to slack, but some things tend to slip from your hand when you don’t have enough time and enough help to get things done. But I always try to cover for myself. I learned the hard way that I should not trust anyone to look after my work.

This coming week, I am again scheduled to do overtime on Tuesday and Thursday. My manager think it will be a good practice for me and I don’t really mind it either. On the coming two weeks, Rolly and I will be a little busier than ever. But we always work as a team so it is all good.

Tonight, we are going to LAX to pick up Tatay and Ate Racquel. Their two months vacation is over… I hope we can come home early though because I have to be at work 6:00 sharp to be able to get the cart from the hospital back to the outpatient lab.

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Today is Rolly’s jury duty day at Riverside. He doesn’t want to go but he’s got no choice. He missed two already and the Jury Letter said if he misses this one he can go to jail and also can be fined at least $1500. The good thing is that his company pays for this, not all companies really do that.

Tomorrow will be my first overtime since Dave will be gone for a funeral. I will be from 6 in the morning until 6 in tr evening. It will be one long day for me. I can’t wait for the weekend. Two days with my Husband and my Daughter is just revitalizing.

Last night, I was on the phone with my Brother for a long time. I know he’s always been the obedient one and I respect the fact that he values what our parents tell him to do. But I think it us about time for him to start being aggressive. The world out here is really tough but I know he is equipped with the right education to be able to tackle everything that comes his way. A Nurse and a Physical Therapist – what else does he need?

So I left him some words to ponder last night. I know I can be very pushy, and Rolly actually said I am a challenge. But I believe in WORDS. They either break you make you. I try to say them the right way though because I too respect boundaries.

Right now, life is going as it must. Despite the challalenges that comes occassionally, it is and will always be beautiful. A journey Rolly and I are taking is coming to an end. And no matter where it will lead us, we will be thankful for the strength it gave. We learned and trusted each other more than ever… I give him all the credit just for being strong all this time.

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Well, it’s been a long work week and I’ve been too busy to blog. But here I am again and I have some Easter Photos to show. I actually took some videos of Alyssa at school doing some egg hunting with the rest of the class but I am just too lazy to upload it. So the weekend is almost over. Again! Yesterday, I emptied some space on our closet and packed some stuff that we are not using. It took me couple of hours to do that and yet I still have so much to do. Rolly on the other hand car washed the SUVs. And Alyssa, she was busy watching TV.

So before continuing my chores for this Sunday morning, I will be fixing Alyssa’s toys. It is all over the place and she’s not even playing with them. This afternoon, we will be going to church and maybe stop by some places before coming back home…

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After meeting up with Tony for an scheduled appointment, we went home to eat lunch. I’d been cooking for the past three days so we have some left overs of papaitan, adobo and tinola. We thought of taking a nap before coming to San Juan (Rolly’s consulting), but we decided to head out the door before we get too lazy to do anything. Rolly dropped us at the mall and I shopped for a new dress for Alyssa. I got her this really cute pink dress with embroidered florettes on it. And yeah, also a white pair of shoes for tomorrow. As we were waiting for Rolly to come pick us up, we also passed by the toy shoppe. She can’t take her eyes off this toy registry from Baby Genious and was begging to have it so I finally gave in and bought it. Rolly also did some shopping of his own, which he rarely does.

Now, I found a little peace here in Bob’s office. Alyssa is busy playing so I have some free time to blog. In contradiction to what other’s think of, I actually have little free time for myself. So my blogging is on halt for some time. At work, when something interesting happens I tell myself to remember to write about it. Then comes the night, after some chores I have to do, I just am so tired that I just want to go to sleep in order for me to wake up in the morning and get myself and Alyssa ready for the day. But it is all good I guess… rather than staying home feeling miserable… always finding something to do, or thinking of a place to escape away. 

On a happy note, I can’t wait for my Mom to come to California. I just paid my Affidavit of Support for her petition last Monday so everthing should be ok and that NVC is to send the packet for her to complete. My petition for my Dad is to come up next. Boy, $700.00 is kindof steep specially we’re looking for a big project to accomplish in the next few weeks. After that, I will be working on his petition too.

As I start to look back to some months ago, I finally came to terms with myself. After all those times that I felt like I was about to give up, Rolly was always there to explain and make me understand. I guess, I really don’t have any right to complain because what was my pain compared to Jesus’ suffering on the cross? Tomorrow, as we celebrate his resurrection, I will be saying my prayer of Thanks. Thanks for all the good things that was bestowed upon me even when I was not looking. Thanks for giving me a wonderful family. Thanks for sorrounding me with all of his blessings. And thanks for giving me chance after chance to make everyday even better…

Happy Easter Sunday to everyone!!!

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