So I guess my husband meant it when he said he feels really bad seeing me squinting my eyes when I read ebooks using the iPhone. The letters are just so small that I have to zoom in thus making me scroll three times or more before finishing a line. Last month, he made a promise of getting me an iPad but I wasn’t really expecting too much because I know we need extra money for some projects we are planning to do around the house. And even I can no longer buy me the new Nikon D90 which I have seriously been desiring since it’s released. Adding to that, I started paying off my Mom and Dad for some money I owe. Basically, after all my expenses I only have few hundreds left enough for the personal stuff I have to buy. I am just so thankful Rolly is handling the major financial responsibilities like mortgage, car payment and insurance or else I will be left with nothing at all.

Anyways, back to the iPad. Rolly bought me the 32 gb with 3G though it would have not really mattered at all if he got me the basic 16 gb with just the WiFi. At first i was feeling all guilty knowing it is kind of expensive. But after having it for few days, I just am so in love with it I won’t trade it for anything at all. The high definition screen is indeed perfect for graphics, viewing pictures and watching movies. The applications are amazing too! I probably spent more than a hundred dollars stacking up on the apps as they can be addicting. You just want to keep buying even if you don’t really use them often. Alyssa loves the interactive games, coloring books and children activities. She sits in one corner learning letters and numbers while waiting for me to get done with the chores.

In conclusion, I am rating the iPad four and a half out of five stars. Not perfect to give room for more improvements. Having one is specially with the 3G is like having everything on s thin book! A definitely must have in your purse!

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What I thought would be the end of a quiet week turned out to be one of those days that is just meant to go bad. No, it wasn’t a total nightmare like the way it was projected. However, it was a little disappointing that despite of being careful and being wary about what to say, somehow and in someway you will still be misunderstood. It is unbelievable how “MIGHT NOT” can automatically mean “NO” to other people. And that “HOLD ON” is a phrase not everyone is willing to take. That maybe, simply giving a person some time can probably solve a question before it becomes a problem. As far as I can remember, I never had any issues taking accountability to errors from my side. If they are my mistakes, why will I let someone be responsible for it? It was and will never be my intention to mislead or provide false information to anyone – specially to a person that I worked hard to please for 6 months to gain just a fraction of her confidence. It will never give me anything in return, nor will it make me feel good as a person. What was said was not even half of what transpired on the conversation. I just couldn’t help but smile sarcastically. All the effort I invested were completely forgotten and now totally gone to waste.

All I am asking is to be given a little benefit of the doubt. For six months, I never ran away from any responsibility. I tried to remain honest and gave straight answers. Today is not an exception. This is a classic case of I-Said, She-Said and it is up to that third person to weigh everything. I might have failed to recount the story when I was asked but it will never change the fact. One of my co-worker said I have to start defending myself, that I have to speak up and say something. For what reason though? Would it be not enough that I tried to correct it but still wasn’t good? Again, I will not waste anybody’s time just to look good. Read the rest of this entry »

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It takes so much for me to get upset, or to even feel extreme dislike for another person because I would never want anyone to despise me the same way. But one thing that most people don’t realize is that I am also capable of getting mad. That behind the smiles and laughter, and my projected naivete, I am just but human like everybody else. I have my own limitations and I acknowledge facts that make me imperfect. And if I will list all my flaws, it will probably be twice more than anybody else’s. And I know that. I am fully aware of that. And that is the reason I imposed one rule upon myself. That is: Keeping quiet when I got nothing good to say. I’ve been doing pretty good at that… and despite of words repeatedly thrown at my face, I still try to be graceful. And no matter how I force myself to slash a come back, I can’t even say something so insulting to degrade even the most evil of all people. I couldn’t. I won’t and I never will.

There is a natural good in every person. But also, let us not forget that there is another side to everyone as well. Read the rest of this entry »

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I haven’t blogged for so long since we started moving so I just have so many things to talk about. Not like you care about my ramblings – but since you are reading my journal, you might be curious about how I am doing. So I will be doing some random writing about things that I remember since the last time I got the chance to really sit around and blog. So here it goes…
Family first. My Mom just celebrated her 65th birthday on the 18th of June. Father’s Day was just three days after and my mom said they will be having cake to honor how great my Dad is. I am just so lucky they are my parents… the two people who I know will always love me unconditionally, lift my spirits up when I am down and will always be there for me no matter what. They provided me with great foundation and as mentors, they continue to teach me things I ought to know in life. In contrast with whatever is said about me, I am a good person because of them. I aspire big in life because of them. I dream to be someone because of them. I am what I am now because of them. I will be what I PLAN to be because of them. And if I have to say I owe someone, it is just proper for them to get all the credit. Read the rest of this entry »

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Finally, weekend is here. My voice is still kinda husky and my throat is very itchy but I guess I am doing better than last week. I am completely drained after straight one week of 12-hour work schedule. I just feel so utterly worn out and needing some time off to replenish my energy. Next week should be a better one for me, and come Monday, the 31st, it will be one great three-day off. Rolly booked us a room at the new Arya Hotel in Las Vegas for the 29th, 30th and 31st but I am not really that enthusiastic knowing that the drive coming back to OC will be bad. But I know he means well. Besides, the three of us need some time away from the busy life. Read the rest of this entry »

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Last week, I felt really awful. My coughing was bad and my eyes were kinda weird. I even had to wear mask at work. Everybody said I looked so tired, and yes I was. Friday came and I was almost voiceless. I wanted to call in sick but I know I can’t. I just don’t have a choice. I just have to be at work no matter what. At least I started early and not scheduled to close. Next week however is a different story. I requested to work my 8-hour shift from the 24th to 28th of May because Rolly is going on a business trip to St Louis and no one will drop off and pick up Alyssa from pre-school. My Manager proposed I will be working 6-6 and David on the other hand, will have to cover for me for those days I requested. I am fine with it… overtime works good financially I guess. I just hope I will feel much better or I will be like Deanne. She ended up missing the whole week for pushing herself too hard when all she needed was a day rest. If that happens, I will be doomed! Read the rest of this entry »

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This year, my Mother’s Day was not only on the 9th but actually a week long. At my daughter’s pre-school, they’ve been making cards and tiny gifts the kids will give their Mom’s for that special day. I thought it was really sweet when I went to pick her up and her basket was full of these cute little stuff from pictures, doodles, cards to frames. The best gift though is seeing her learn, build confidence and make friends… At least for a “new” Mom like me, that matters most way more than any thing else.

I am so grateful that my Husband and my daughter think May 9 is my day. But for me, I still have a long way to prove if I really deserve one. I am not perfect but I try to be better everyday. I know I still have a lot of things to learn…

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The last two days went great despite of a challenge that was destined to happen. Though it not at all serious, I find it interesting and irresistible not to blog about. Let me tell you about what happened on Monday. It was about this couple that I first met from months ago, who I tried to please but failed to do so because they just have way too  many issues. My coworker who drew their blood told me that the wife said a lot of nasty things about me. She thinks that the wife was jealous because I am pretty  and young (lol). Of course she was just saying that because she probably felt bad for me. But seriously, the wife was getting way too personal with me. The fact that it was Dave who took care of them and for her to blame me for the smallest of error that is not even ours and that is a 100% fixable was just way too outrageous. But instead of getting upset, I found myself laughing. I thought they were so pathetic. I look at their faces and both husband and wife looked so unhappy… I was telling my husband, they are a reflection of misery. And I don’t even have sympathy for people going through hard times and yet don’t have the heart to be nice and be amiably pleasant.

The thing is, even if you give your best, you will never make everyone happy. These people think they walk on water and that the world revolves around them. I will not lower my standards and meet them on their level because that is just a waste of my time. Besides, the hospital is paying me to make sure to provide a sacred encounter to patients, and if I was not not able to touch their hearts on their first visit then I am hoping that even with the way they are, the next person or the person after will have the power to make them see that they are treated way better than they deserve…

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For the past three weeks, I think I did pretty good in reviewing my works making sure that I didn’t make any mistakes. I learned the hard way that I can get in trouble even on times that I least expect, or worst on situations that I am not even involved at all. And the truth is, no one will really cover for me and neither can I trust someone to stand up for me. I am working with great people and that I will never take away from them. I think they are the best in what they do and even I am amazed on how good they are. There are just those times – those unavoidable circumstances – that things just sort of happen and everything just crumbles into this big pile of problem. The worst is that I cannot take myself away from the picture because most if not all accounts start with me, and at the end when something goes wrong they tend to come haunt me.

The past two weeks came particularly hard on me. Yesterday, I had to answer from another team as to why not enough blood was drawn from one of the patients, and adding to that is why a label was placed on a wrong specimen. Two weeks before that, a miscellaneous order was not drawn. The day after, I learned that the new guy did not draw two miscellaneous again. Good thing I saw them lying on the rack because then it would have been easy for them to say it was not there and there is no way I can prove that they were.

What happened today is a total nightmare. It started with a call from a Dr’s office informing us of a stat order for a kidney transplant patient in few hours. When the patient came to the lab, I made sure they were taken in right away. They were registered upfront then they came to us for the lab works. The order was placed accurately and on STAT. Read the rest of this entry »

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As I continue with my journey, I often find myself on the STOP sign. Despite the crossroads and struggles I still manage
to take the right way. It is still a long way but no matter how I see it, I am still moving forward to where I am supposed to…

There are things I want to talk about and yet I can’t seem to find the right words to describe them. I find it really strange. I reached the point where I just am speechless. Nothing to say. No energy to even carry out a conversation. I have lost interest in so many things. I feel so worn out by my everyday struggles that all I want is to give my soul the rest it deserves.

Believe me, I can be pretty patient. However, there are those things I cannot stand at all. One of them was being frozen in some kind of stagnant stage where minutes seemed to last like eternity. I realized that all I desire is just some time alone. A space where I can stop and think, meditate and contemplate. I want to be angry when I have to, to cry when I feel sad. I want to laugh to my heart’s content, and to sit back and watch the sun vanish from the horizon. Carefree. It’s all I want.

That’s why I’ve been wanting to escape… been wanting to run away.  When things got too complicated for me to understand, I wished I was not bound to anything and to anyone. That I can just break free and not to worry about whatever is going to happen. I tried everything to adopt to the situation. When words were just too rough, I carried out a fake smile. I masked my emotions. I hid the pain. The more I did what I thought was right, the lesser my self-esteem became. The truth is when someone think you are totally dependent, it takes away that little pride you have of yourself. And suddenly all you did in return just fades so fast no one even remembers.

So I learned a lesson… and this I am writing to ease my OWN burden. I have heard the worst of words that can break a spirit, that can tear a bond. Though I know anyone can be a probable subject, I am refusing to be under it’s debilitating power. As I have said, though I believe in building bridges; I too have to close my doors when the situations calls for it. I actually got the courage to finally do that.  It came with a price, but I am glad that what it took is of lesser importance to me…

I no longer worry of what’s being thought and being said of me. I figured out, everyone has the right to say something and so do I. It does not even matter who’s got the bigger ally – who’s got who, who’s got what. How many listens, how many actually believe. For me, it is not a battle. It is a journey… and in every journey I go through, I get to learn more about myself in relation to others. I take note of my weaknesses and remember my strengths. In the end, I continue to flourish as I must…

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