What I thought would be the end of a quiet week turned out to be one of those days that is just meant to go bad. No, it wasn’t a total nightmare like the way it was projected. However, it was a little disappointing that despite of being careful and being wary about what to say, somehow and in someway you will still be misunderstood. It is unbelievable how “MIGHT NOT” can automatically mean “NO” to other people. And that “HOLD ON” is a phrase not everyone is willing to take. That maybe, simply giving a person some time can probably solve a question before it becomes a problem. As far as I can remember, I never had any issues taking accountability to errors from my side. If they are my mistakes, why will I let someone be responsible for it? It was and will never be my intention to mislead or provide false information to anyone – specially to a person that I worked hard to please for 6 months to gain just a fraction of her confidence. It will never give me anything in return, nor will it make me feel good as a person. What was said was not even half of what transpired on the conversation. I just couldn’t help but smile sarcastically. All the effort I invested were completely forgotten and now totally gone to waste.

All I am asking is to be given a little benefit of the doubt. For six months, I never ran away from any responsibility. I tried to remain honest and gave straight answers. Today is not an exception. This is a classic case of I-Said, She-Said and it is up to that third person to weigh everything. I might have failed to recount the story when I was asked but it will never change the fact. One of my co-worker said I have to start defending myself, that I have to speak up and say something. For what reason though? Would it be not enough that I tried to correct it but still wasn’t good? Again, I will not waste anybody’s time just to look good.

Everyday at work is such a challenge. Seriously, if you ask me if I love what I do I honestly will say no. I am looking forward to something bigger than this and hopefully it will happen soon. But even if this is NOT where my heart is, I still value what I do, gave the best that I can, and I provide what is ask of me without questions and complaints. If these characters don’t define me as one good worker, then I don’t know what more should I do. I learned a lot of techniques on how to stay on the safe side of things and I started tracking my productivity after some problems that aroused on who did what. For eight hours everyday, I see an average of 70 patients (not adding those ones that calls in for help and instructions). And to not please ONE out of the many and to be judged because of it is just disheartening. But as one said, why would I be surprised?

This job is toughening me up every minute of everyday. With things like these and several more issues, I feel like the natural good in me is wearing thin (just like Dee). I am afraid one day I will end up to be the opposite of who I am. That is why I am in a hurry to salvage whatever is left of me. From the thousands and thousands of people we see and meet in our lifetime, there are those that will be remembered. The people who are very nice to you, those ones that made a big difference in your life. And those ones that stand on the opposite side, those that think they walk in water. One thing that I never fail to remember that I always try to hold on to just to be more considerate to others is the fact that I will never be able to please everyone. I know we all come from different walks in life and traveled unique journey. With that said, I am going to leave this as it is.

It takes so much for me to get upset, or to even feel extreme dislike for another person because I would never want anyone to despise me the same way. But one thing that most people don’t realize is that I am also capable of getting mad. That behind the smiles and laughter, and my projected naivete, I am just but human like everybody else. I have my own limitations and I acknowledge facts that make me imperfect. And if I will list all my flaws, it will probably be twice more than anybody else’s. And I know that. I am fully aware of that. And that is the reason I imposed one rule upon myself. That is: Keeping quiet when I got nothing good to say. I’ve been doing pretty good at that… and despite of words repeatedly thrown at my face, I still try to be graceful. And no matter how I force myself to slash a come back, I can’t even say something so insulting to degrade even the most evil of all people. I couldn’t. I won’t and I never will.

There is a natural good in every person. But also, let us not forget that there is another side to everyone as well. Treat others the way you want to be treated. What you do and your choice of words say a lot about you, your background in life and the level of education you finished. Simply carrying a degree is not a measure of intelligence. Because if it is, then my Mom and my Dad are geniuses for finishing their PhD’s. Or that my brother is a genius for being a Physical Therapist and a Nurse. Or that I too should be considered a genius for finishing my Bachelor of Arts in Political Science as well as my Bachelor of Science in Nursing! What the heck! I might as well declare the Philippines a country of smart people because most Filipinos go to school and finish degree after degree after degree! Oh yeah, and language? In today’s world, people should not even be subjected to any act of discriminating judgment regarding the usage of a particular language. I for one believe that my accent and my diction is a reflection of my individuality. Speaking a particular language more fluently is not and will never be used to establish or ascertain who has the higher level of reasoning, understanding and/or aptitude.

I came to the US equipped with everything I know I need: support from my family, education and courage. I am very confident in my ability to provide what is ask of me and to use available resources to come up with a solution. It is not my desire to change something in me that is there from the very start just for me to belong. Neither will I be tolerant of anyone who draws their happiness from my weaknesses. My point is just clear and simple: No one has the right to be judgmental over anybody. We all have different backgrounds in life and what you see on the outside is just the surface. Underneath is a complex factor of someone’s origin and culture, his/her level or kind of schooling, and the class or status in life he/she maintains. So unless you know someone inside-out, RESPECT is always the right tool. You give it away and it will come right back to you…

Oh what, oh what am I going to write tonight? Nothing really comes to mind right now. I am just so tired I suppose. I know it was a short week but I am consciously anticipating the coming workweek as I am again scheduled to do the long hours from 6:30 to 6:00. Just the thought of it takes away all my energy. Yeah, of course the overtime pay is good but it also requires more effort and more hard work. Both I really can’t seem to promise specially I have my own personal obligations to fulfill at home like cooking for dinner, cleaning up and doing other chores. I can probably do the shift three times a week, but five days straight is not something I am looking forward to. Then again who am I to really complain? I know I cannot really say NO as I understand that I have to do this until John gets fully trained to do closing. Adding to that, David is also going on a 2-week vacation starting on the 26th of this month. So yup, we are doomed. I am afraid the schedules are going to change and I have this gut feeling that they will be scheduling me to do closing those days. I hope not. And I guess that is my main concern so I had just to mention about the schedule to Marissa and Jennifer. I want to make it clear that my regular hours start at 6 in the morning…

So that is work… It is WORK indeed. But I like it as I get to learn more of the tests and the procedures involved case to case basis. I hope they will come in handy in the near future. I am really very appreciative of the chance that the Lab has given and is continuously giving me. The learning opportunity, the knowledge and the experience are truly priceless. Though it is not a big leap to where I want to be, I know every small step counts as well.

So, the journey towards self-satisfaction knowing I have career (not just a job) continues. Nursing might not be on its peak due to high rate of graduates and also due to the fact that companies are doing competitive hiring (meaning, hospitals hire only those who are experienced); I am still confident that when everything goes through, I will land on something way much better than what I have now. It is still far-fetch considering the fact that I am having some troubles with CHED regarding the release of my OTR but like always, my Mom and my Dad always find the way to make things right. What more could I ask for? They’ve given more than enough… and even with the distance, they still manage to give me the support I need. I am in debt… what else can I say?

So I guess this is what I will be doing now: Summary Blogging. I can’t really find free time any more to write. I feel so tried after work. And of course as soon as we get home, I also have to do some cooking, cleaning up and fixing Alyssa’s stuff for the next day. I am still online, I just cannot stay long enough to even do something. We are off today because of the Holiday so thanks God for another day of rest. I really need it… This week is a my short days. I can no longer do the long hours because I seriously am so tired. Anyways, here was my half terrific-half worst week in review.

June 26: We finally went to pick up our Toyota Prius in OC. Everything went great starting from the quality of Costumer Service we received from Toyota Place of Garden Grove up to when they handed the car keys to us. We only had to wait an hour-an hour and a half max. They gave us their best rate and we knew that because we’ve been through other dealers and they were not as good. Hybrid cars are great! Excellent on saving gas and most importantly, it is nature friendly. The ride is very quiet. After two SUV’s for years, this one is the smoothest so far.

“Photos taken using Rolly’s blackberry. “

From Moblile Pics, posted by Rosalyn Bugaoisan Alcantara on 6/27/2010 (Showing 2 of 10 items)

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June 27: Sunday, we went Mary Magdalene for the 12:00 mass. Then stopped by the Crossings and shopped for some things we need.

June 28: I woke up around 3:00 after realizing Alyssa was having high fever. I had to call in sick because Rolly can’t stay. He’s been working from home for the since Thursday because he himself was sick. I felt really bad for Dave because I was scheduled to do the long hours starting that Monday. But there are those things I just have to do.

June 29: Moving forward to the 29th. I did overtime with John, Lucretia and Gus. It was a good night (so I thought) despite of the chaos. And I also got stuck with a test even the Dr’s office had problems telling me what it was. I seriously thought they gave me a wrong test too. Gosh, can’t really win on situations like this. And of course, the Dr wasn’t there. Or he was but they kept saying he is on the middle of something. But the day has to end as it is supposed to. As we did the final papers for the day, John unintentionally forgot to give some stack of papers to take to the main lab. I didn’t think much about it, it was too late and I said we will deal with it in the morning.

June 30: Bad day at work! I didn’t mean to snap at SOMEONE but I really got upset with how she was handling things. Remember how I said there were some paper that was left out the night before? This person was making a big deal out of it in front of a patient. This is the second time she did this to me. One time, I was explaining to Nancy that a patient wants to know how many tubes will be used on a whole bunch of test. This person just jump on the conversation and took over. So Nancy left and I went back doing my stuff. And then after she was unable to figure things, she blamed it on me. In front of the patient! So for her to do it again the second time was intolerable. After she said I should have known better because I was there longer than John, I answered back that unless I have eyes all over my head she should stop blaming for something I didn’t even do because I now refuse to work with her. I mean seriously, all that time it was Gus who drew all the patients from 3 to 5:30. I didn’t see her help him at all! I did 6-6 with Nancy and Gus before and everything just went great even if we had to stay over. Such a big difference! After venting it all out, I felt just fine. On our way home, I called my Mom and begged her to work on getting my BSN transcripts over as soon as possible because I almost quit. I seriously did.

July 01: I am now officially under my new Manager Marissa. HR called before closing that I needed to go sign my transfer papers. That night, we went to have dinner at the Market Broiler. Alyssa and I shared Fetuccini Alfredo and Rolly had their famous Fisherman’s stew. It was a good night… We deserve it.

July 02: Potluck Friday! I brought two boxes of drinks. The day went by smoothly. I ended up taking half of the drinks home because we didn’t even open it. We stopped by WalMart to buy some counter chair. We bought two pairs, each pair for $75.00.

July 03: We spent the whole day at Ikea. We shopped for some furnitures and also got Korean Barbeque at Freshia for tomorrows bbq Sunday.

July 04: Cleaning up. Cooking. Laundry Day. And more cleaning. I was so tired! At around three, the rest of the family came for an early dinner. Ate Raquel had to cook gulay. Heheheh… I feel bad I cannot really cook. I boiled some corn though and Rolly did the barbeque. Everything was good! After that, we all went to Pechanga for coffee and dessert. We got home at 10.

July 05: Today. Right now, we are still in bed having tupig and tea for breakfast. We planned on going to Universal Studios but I made a decision last night that we’ll do it next time and do it on a Saturday. The day before week day, I need to do nothing to have full energy for work. So maybe next Saturday we will do something fun…

I haven’t blogged for so long since we started moving so I just have so many things to talk about. Not like you care about my ramblings – but since you are reading my journal, you might be curious about how I am doing. So I will be doing some random writing about things that I remember since the last time I got the chance to really sit around and blog. So here it goes…
Family first. My Mom just celebrated her 65th birthday on the 18th of June. Father’s Day was just three days after and my mom said they will be having cake to honor how great my Dad is. I am just so lucky they are my parents… the two people who I know will always love me unconditionally, lift my spirits up when I am down and will always be there for me no matter what. They provided me with great foundation and as mentors, they continue to teach me things I ought to know in life. In contrast with whatever is said about me, I am a good person because of them. I aspire big in life because of them. I dream to be someone because of them. I am what I am now because of them. I will be what I PLAN to be because of them. And if I have to say I owe someone, it is just proper for them to get all the credit.

At Home. We are doing great! The commute to the city is a little further away now that we live in the suburbs. But I love the drive up the mountains of Riverside. We pass by the prestigious Gavilan 2-Acre Ranch homes, a beautiful private community overviewing Lake Matthews. It is an amazing wide open space of green grasses. Very peaceful and calming specially when you are coming home after a whole busy day from the city. Our moving was tiring but it went smooth. We did the hauling ourselves (like we’ve always done), we were so beat for so many days but it was all worth it…

Health. I’ve been on a seven-day antibiotic medication and also was prescribed a bottle of cough syrup. I am almost done with my Augmentin, one more capsule to go and I should be ok. For the cough syrup, I didn’t even take it because last Tuesday I had a bad case of drowsiness that lasted the whole day of my shift. Nancy was even so scared because I might not be able to stay up for our 12-hour schedule. But I made it despite looking drugged as Gus said. Thanks for gracefully describing how I look!

Work. So I am done taking my medicine and I am feeling way much better. I am still coughing but not as bad and not as frequent as before. This week is my 8-hour shift and because we are shifting to another department. I am being hopeful that I will stay on my regular hours because twelve hour straight every other week is very tiring. Financially good… but health-wise, not always worth it. There are those mornings I literally drag myself out of bed, eyes closed bumping into walls. Not enough time to fix up so I just tie my hair up on a ponytail (everyday). Makeup? Powder, a little bit of eyeshadows, lipgloss and blushons. I do it at work – in just under two minutes!

It was good to see Allen (my second stepson) yesterday after my Dr’s appointment. He flew back home from New York after a business trip. He actually looked great! I am very proud of how grown up and how responsible he’s become. He is working as a band manager in LA, and works form some famous bands. It is a pretty busy work but I can tell he loves it. It is what he wants to do and if he makes it big on that industry one day, I won’t be surprised. We talked for good twenty minutes. He said he will try to come visit us on the weekend. We hugged each other and what made my day was hearing him say: I love you. It was such a good feeling…

The boys are now all grown up. Gone were those days when I argue with them just like having little brothers. The fact is that when you get older, you learn more about compromise. Being the youngest in the family, I always have it my way. Now that I have a little one, I learned to be giving and more understanding. Sometimes, I still find myself caught up to that “Me and Myself” concept, but I try to back down. I am better… I guess. I would like to think I really am.

Right now, everything is going on as planned. We are hapoy with what we’ve got. I agree with Rolly when he says: All that matters is US. And that’s what we’ve been working hard for a long time. What others think is irrelevant… This is our journey together. This is our life together. Sometimes I can’t quite understand why there are those that you cannot possibly explain – not necessarily people ( ayaw ko na naman pong magkasala), can be events and other happenings; but I guess that’s how it is in the real world. NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

Life is a process… it is a wheel. It goes around. You won’t always have what you got now, the same way as you will never be on the same spot as you are right now. The rule is that, don’t be over judgmental. And don’t be bitter either. It is always better to not say anything. Yes, I do write. I do blog. It is how I pick myself up. I’d rather do that than answering back. At least I can tell my whole story… my pace, my time.

I am blogging early today. I called-in because I woke up late and with body pains. I’ve been taking ibuprofen for the last couple of weeks and some over the counter cough medications and they’ve been working for a little bit. I think I just need time off to rest so I can replenish my energy. Jason Kory, one of our really nice patients said (that first week I was sick): “Rosalyn, I thought you are Superwoman!” Lol! I thought so too! But yeah, I am no longer hacking all over the place but I just am so tired… The last two weekends were not helpful either. We were busy running around town so I didn’t get enough time to sleep in. Next week, I am hoping that John will start doing closing. I don’t really mind pitching in every now and then but not too often. Don’t get me wrong, I love working. Its just that my situation is way far different from Dave nor John. They can stay as late as they can because they don’t have kids. Whereas I have a little one to worry about. Thanks to Rolly’s flexible schedule, we’ve been able to manage our time. On another note, we’ve moved in to our new home. We’re not settled but all of our stuff are at the garage, all in line to be placed where they’re supposed to. I might try to open some boxes after I wake up (yup, I am still planning on going back to sleep) to start the work. I want to go to Ikea tomorrow to buy some organizational stuff for the pantry and the kitchen cabinets. Rolly will be home early today so we can go to the furniture shop too. It’s been a long journey. And we managed to keep the faith alive. We made it… and I can’t thank Mama and Papa enough for all their support through the process. The only two people who never gave up and who always believed in us. And to Manong Resti for the encouragement only a person can get from a loving sibling. And to my dear Husband, I agree with you. Indeed, nothing tastes sweeter than self-redemption itself. This is NOT a wish come true. IT IS A GOAL REALIZED.

“Christmas came early for us this year. It did not come with a bow nor a fancy gift wrap, but it sure is one beautiful thing. To Mama and Papa, thank you for always standing behind us and for always believing in every decisions we make. We are in debt for all the support you have given — in all ways, shapes and forms.
“

From Fieldcrest, posted by Rosalyn Bugaoisan Alcantara on 6/08/2010 (25 items)

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Finally, weekend is here. My voice is still kinda husky and my throat is very itchy but I guess I am doing better than last week. I am completely drained after straight one week of 12-hour work schedule. I just feel so utterly worn out and needing some time off to replenish my energy. Next week should be a better one for me, and come Monday, the 31st, it will be one great three-day off. Rolly booked us a room at the new Arya Hotel in Las Vegas for the 29th, 30th and 31st but I am not really that enthusiastic knowing that the drive coming back to OC will be bad. But I know he means well. Besides, the three of us need some time away from the busy life.

Anyways, I know I’ve been blogging about me buying the new iPad. I myself thought I will be having it by this weekend after my husband convinced me that I deserve to treat myself for working hard. But apparently, I have things lining up on me and they are all priority expenses I have to take care of. Last week, my brother needed some money to process his Visa for Canada. My Mom said she will take care of it (as usual), but because I owe her serious amount of money, I said I will pitch in on the expenses and sent $300.00. I said to myself, well I will be buying my iPad next pay check then. However, the next day I got an invoice of $400.00 from the US National Visa Processing Center for my Mom’s paperwork. So there goes my next overtime pay… lol!

Today though when we were having lunch in Stanton, Rolly said I can skip saving to get the unit. But that, I will never do. As I have said, I have my priorities set. I know the difference between a WANT and a NEED. And the only time I will even pay attention to my WANTS (that includes the iPad, new DSLR, a Fujitso Tablet) is when I have some extra money after saving and budgeting for current expenses. Thanks to my extra hours at work, I can pay for extra expenses without affecting my regular financial schedules. So I guess in the end, after the mental torture at work I can totally say that it is all worth the time and effort.

So, Rolly is to fly to St Louis on Monday.  After doing some chores, I took Alyssa to the craftshop and bought her a Disney Activity Table, foam stickers, various crayola products, pens and papers. She knows her Dad will be away for the whole week and I want to preoccupy her after school. This is a funny story I forgot to share. When we were at the storage last week getting Rolly’s duffel bag for the trip, Alyssa saw the bag and asked why we needed to take it with us. “Because Daddy needs it for when he goes to Missouri.” I answered. She looked at Rolly and said: “Daddy, are you leaving the world?”

Alyssa is all grown up… she says all these cute things that makes me smile. I had her use her white shorts and a tube top. She looked at herself in the mirror and uttered: “Wow, I am so beautiful!” Then she turned to me and asked, “Can I use these sexy clothes at school?” Of course I said no. I’ve seen kids on her class wearing shorts and dresses and I want to dress her up too but I am scared she will hurt or cut her self. Maybe when she gets older and understands the concept of danger and knows how to take care of herself, that’s when I will allow her to choose which clothes to wear. For now, she only wears them when we are around keeping an eye on whatever she’s doing.

So that’s it for my whole week… It kinda dragged because of my long hours but it finally ended. And yeah last Thursday when it wasn’t that busy, they decided to give each one a Spanish name. Zyg thought “Salma” is a good name for me, but no way! I chose Rosalinda (Beautiful Rose)  instead. But now, David is finding humor on it calling me Rosa Fea (Ugly Rose). So John said for me to call him “Viejeo Feo” which means Ugly Old Man. Heheheh!!! Deane is now named Amanda, Isela is Alejandra, David wanted his Spanish name Pablo, Zyg wanted to be called Rico, Gustavo is El Caliente (lol), Nancy is now Gloria (I think), Zuzu wants Estrella (?), Deanne picked Enrique for John and, Letrecia for Lucrecia.

I was laughing all those time they were coming up with names.  It is very rare when we get the chance to goof around. We are all like zombies most of the time… programmed to do one thing: WORK. Well, I think I am actually being unfair to describe us “zombies”. Now that I pause for a little bit and think about, we actually are not! We WORK WITH PASSION, and that’s the truth. We truly incorporate SACRED ENCOUNTER  with each and every patients we see everyday. For almost six months that I’ve been with the Pavillion Lab, I can conclude that 98% of the patients that we see everyday are thankful and appreciative of our hard work and dedication. 1.5% of them are those one’s that no matter what you do, you can’t satisfy them at all. The .5% are those ones who go home, or end up going somewhere else because we can’t see them at the Pavilion.

On final note, days just go by so fast. May is almost ending, and June is almost here… The first half was all work, some problems/issues but all were finally taken cared of. I am still very optimistic on what the other half of the year will bring. No matter what it will be, I will be blogging as always  – one of the many ways I express myself.

I don’t really read my spam mails but one time when I was still working in Irvine, one of my friends sent the whole group a portion of Maya Angelou’s 70th birthday interiew with Oprah. I kept it all this time because aside from it being funny, it also is about how real growing older is.

In April, Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was “exciting.”

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day…like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried.

She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

“I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as “making a life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.”

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I’ve learned that when ever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.”

“I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Last week, I felt really awful. My coughing was bad and my eyes were kinda weird. I even had to wear mask at work. Everybody said I looked so tired, and yes I was. Friday came and I was almost voiceless. I wanted to call in sick but I know I can’t. I just don’t have a choice. I just have to be at work no matter what. At least I started early and not scheduled to close. Next week however is a different story. I requested to work my 8-hour shift from the 24th to 28th of May because Rolly is going on a business trip to St Louis and no one will drop off and pick up Alyssa from pre-school. My Manager proposed I will be working 6-6 and David on the other hand, will have to cover for me for those days I requested. I am fine with it… overtime works good financially I guess. I just hope I will feel much better or I will be like Deanne. She ended up missing the whole week for pushing herself too hard when all she needed was a day rest. If that happens, I will be doomed!

But yeah, I wish we can just go with Rolly to St Louis for one week. Rolly’s sister was asking why when she knows I have accumulated vacation already. I said I just can’t. Knowing work, I just can’t leave and neglect my responsibility. No, not now that I gained my Manager’s trust to do opening and closing at the same time. Last Wednesday, the Pavilion Directors catered Pat and Oscar’s to celebrate our efforts. Apparently, we are the most improved department with an avatar score of 95.6 for last month. They said it usually takes years to see a group’s improvement but on our case, it only took us 6 months to do it. I am pleased I boarded last December too, which makes me a part of the change…

Yup, everything is looking good so far. Aside from work, family too is just great. One time, I think that was on Thursday when I checked my personal email. Someone is inviting me on Facebook and I was so surprised to see it was Papa. It made me chuckle… him on a social site is just so unexpected. But I am glad he is making the most of the PC I left for him. My Mom would say he is always reading news from CNN. Truly, he now can appreciate the beauty of it all…