This year, my Mother’s Day was not only on the 9th but actually a week long. At my daughter’s pre-school, they’ve been making cards and tiny gifts the kids will give their Mom’s for that special day. I thought it was really sweet when I went to pick her up and her basket was full of these cute little stuff from pictures, doodles, cards to frames. The best gift though is seeing her learn, build confidence and make friends… At least for a “new” Mom like me, that matters most way more than any thing else.

I am so grateful that my Husband and my daughter think May 9 is my day. But for me, I still have a long way to prove if I really deserve one. I am not perfect but I try to be better everyday. I know I still have a lot of things to learn…

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Mama, Thank you for always making me feel better. For always knowing the right words to say to comfort me. For understanding, for caring and for loving me always. Read more…

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I have a fickle mind, I really do. I’ve been trying to shop for a new DSLR for the longest time. And everytime I have my eye on something, a better, more expensive model comes out. Last year, I almost bought a Nikon d5000 at Costco. The regular price was then running for around $1200 to $1500 depending on how many lenses you’re going to get. When we were at Costco one weekend, they had a combo box for sale (a body and 2 lenses plus some extras) for $900. I was so tempted but Black Friday was coming up then and I thought I can buy it for a cheaper price. Of course, because no one will take care of Alyssa we did not get a chance to wake up early and fall in line at some store. So I missed whatever good deals they had for Nikon. Then I waited ’til Christmas to get one but ended up spending most of my budget on Christmas gifts.

Now that I am ready to buy, I cannot make up my mind! There’s just a lot of things that I want to get now. I am so in love with the new iPad and been wanting to get one for the past three weehttp://justrosalyn.com/journal/wp-admin/post-new.phpks. My husband tells me to go ahead and treat myself. And when I thought I was ready to purchase, I read about the upcoming HP Slate (that will be available anytime or before the year ends). As I continue to educate myself which one is a better buy before committing, I realized that there is a new category of touchscreens out there that is called UMPC (Ultra Mobile Personal Computing). UMPC is not a sit-on-your-desk computer, nor is it even a sit-on-your-lap computer; rather, it is a hold-in-your-hands computer. It is so small and lightweight that you can hold it in your hands, much like you Read more…

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The last two days went great despite of a challenge that was destined to happen. Though it not at all serious, I find it interesting and irresistible not to blog about. Let me tell you about what happened on Monday. It was about this couple that I first met from months ago, who I tried to please but failed to do so because they just have way too  many issues. My coworker who drew their blood told me that the wife said a lot of nasty things about me. She thinks that the wife was jealous because I am pretty  and young (lol). Of course she was just saying that because she probably felt bad for me. But seriously, the wife was getting way too personal with me. The fact that it was Dave who took care of them and for her to blame me for the smallest of error that is not even ours and that is a 100% fixable was just way too outrageous. But instead of getting upset, I found myself laughing. I thought they were so pathetic. I look at their faces and both husband and wife looked so unhappy… I was telling my husband, they are a reflection of misery. And I don’t even have sympathy for people going through hard times and yet don’t have the heart to be nice and be amiably pleasant.

The thing is, even if you give your best, you will never make everyone happy. These people think they walk on water and that the world revolves around them. I will not lower my standards and meet them on their level because that is just a waste of my time. Besides, the hospital is paying me to make sure to provide a sacred encounter to patients, and if I was not not able to touch their hearts on their first visit then I am hoping that even with the way they are, the next person or the person after will have the power to make them see that they are treated way better than they deserve…

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For the past three weeks, I think I did pretty good in reviewing my works making sure that I didn’t make any mistakes. I learned the hard way that I can get in trouble even on times that I least expect, or worst on situations that I am not even involved at all. And the truth is, no one will really cover for me and neither can I trust someone to stand up for me. I am working with great people and that I will never take away from them. I think they are the best in what they do and even I am amazed on how good they are. There are just those times – those unavoidable circumstances – that things just sort of happen and everything just crumbles into this big pile of problem. The worst is that I cannot take myself away from the picture because most if not all accounts start with me, and at the end when something goes wrong they tend to come haunt me.

The past two weeks came particularly hard on me. Yesterday, I had to answer from another team as to why not enough blood was drawn from one of the patients, and adding to that is why a label was placed on a wrong specimen. Two weeks before that, a miscellaneous order was not drawn. The day after, I learned that the new guy did not draw two miscellaneous again. Good thing I saw them lying on the rack because then it would have been easy for them to say it was not there and there is no way I can prove that they were.

What happened today is a total nightmare. It started with a call from a Dr’s office informing us of a stat order for a kidney transplant patient in few hours. When the patient came to the lab, I made sure they were taken in right away. They were registered upfront then they came to us for the lab works. The order was placed accurately and on STAT. Read more…

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As I continue with my journey, I often find myself on the STOP sign. Despite the crossroads and struggles I still manage
to take the right way. It is still a long way but no matter how I see it, I am still moving forward to where I am supposed to…

There are things I want to talk about and yet I can’t seem to find the right words to describe them. I find it really strange. I reached the point where I just am speechless. Nothing to say. No energy to even carry out a conversation. I have lost interest in so many things. I feel so worn out by my everyday struggles that all I want is to give my soul the rest it deserves.

Believe me, I can be pretty patient. However, there are those things I cannot stand at all. One of them was being frozen in some kind of stagnant stage where minutes seemed to last like eternity. I realized that all I desire is just some time alone. A space where I can stop and think, meditate and contemplate. I want to be angry when I have to, to cry when I feel sad. I want to laugh to my heart’s content, and to sit back and watch the sun vanish from the horizon. Carefree. It’s all I want.

That’s why I’ve been wanting to escape… been wanting to run away.  When things got too complicated for me to understand, I wished I was not bound to anything and to anyone. That I can just break free and not to worry about whatever is going to happen. I tried everything to adopt to the situation. When words were just too rough, I carried out a fake smile. I masked my emotions. I hid the pain. The more I did what I thought was right, the lesser my self-esteem became. The truth is when someone think you are totally dependent, it takes away that little pride you have of yourself. And suddenly all you did in return just fades so fast no one even remembers.

So I learned a lesson… and this I am writing to ease my OWN burden. I have heard the worst of words that can break a spirit, that can tear a bond. Though I know anyone can be a probable subject, I am refusing to be under it’s debilitating power. As I have said, though I believe in building bridges; I too have to close my doors when the situations calls for it. I actually got the courage to finally do that.  It came with a price, but I am glad that what it took is of lesser importance to me…

I no longer worry of what’s being thought and being said of me. I figured out, everyone has the right to say something and so do I. It does not even matter who’s got the bigger ally – who’s got who, who’s got what. How many listens, how many actually believe. For me, it is not a battle. It is a journey… and in every journey I go through, I get to learn more about myself in relation to others. I take note of my weaknesses and remember my strengths. In the end, I continue to flourish as I must…

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‘Just got home from my 12-hour shift and I am feeling exhausted. Alyssa wanted to eat adobo for dinner and I cannot even get myself to cook. So we had to drive to the Filipino store to get some ulam. I bought chicken-pork adobo and dinuguan, Alyssa picked up chicharon and a pack of Moo Selecta Choco drink. I paid almost $20.00 for just few items (sigh!). But seriously, I should not even complain about what I pay because compared to the $25 gas/day  that Rolly spends plus the house, the cars, the motorcycle and the bills, my expenses are basically nothing. It’s good to know though that we are able to save some and spend some…

I guess, everybody’s (almost) having same financial issues in one way or another. At work today, we gave $2.00 each for a chance to win the $160M lottery for tomorrow. Everybody’s just hoping we can win, and quit work at the same time! Lol! Funny thought! Deanne said she will travel and won’t stay on one place. Zyg, he said he will still be live the same life he has here in the US but will definitely buy a house in Germany. As for Isella, she will buy everything her two boys want. For me, the very first thing that came to my mind is to pay off my loan to my Mom and Dad.

Money. Money. Money. Who said it will never make you happy? Reality is, money is the reason why we work hard. Without it, we cannot afford the simplest thing we need. Or cannot even dare to dream of the biggest thing the heart desires. It might be the root of all evil as they say, but it does not happen often. I mean, it doesn’t apply to everyone and it just depends on the person. The thing is, money works both ways. And as a human being, you have to choose which way you are going to use it so as not to harm someone else. It is a matter of doing the right thing, and making decisions as we all ought to do.

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The hospital is doing consolidation and I will be affected by the change. Effective July 1st, I might not be under my present manager. She kind of gave me assurance that I don’t have to worry about it because they invested on my training and they’re not going to hire someone and start all over again. If you ask me though, I am not really beating myself up. I always tell myself things happen for a reason, so I try to embrace whatever is facing me and make the best out of it. All I can do right now is gather all knowledge that I can and hope that these will help me in the near future when I pursue what I really want to do…

The fact is there is really no such thing as permanent. Even what you think is sure and secured can turn out the opposite way. The most important thing is to stay happy with what you have and who you are. I am not going to compromise my comfort just to please other people. And the same way as I am not going to push myself into something that is not meant for me. It is just that simple, I think.

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Yesterday, we stayed home almost the whole day. I needed the rest so much after my 12 hour shift on Friday, which I think went fine. I mess up one patient’s order and my Manager was not quite pleased. The good thing though is that one of the tests is clotted so the patient has to come back for redraw. I felt really bad… I should have known better. We were just so busy! I know it should not be a reason to slack, but some things tend to slip from your hand when you don’t have enough time and enough help to get things done. But I always try to cover for myself. I learned the hard way that I should not trust anyone to look after my work.

This coming week, I am again scheduled to do overtime on Tuesday and Thursday. My manager think it will be a good practice for me and I don’t really mind it either. On the coming two weeks, Rolly and I will be a little busier than ever. But we always work as a team so it is all good.

Tonight, we are going to LAX to pick up Tatay and Ate Racquel. Their two months vacation is over… I hope we can come home early though because I have to be at work 6:00 sharp to be able to get the cart from the hospital back to the outpatient lab.

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Today is Rolly’s jury duty day at Riverside. He doesn’t want to go but he’s got no choice. He missed two already and the Jury Letter said if he misses this one he can go to jail and also can be fined at least $1500. The good thing is that his company pays for this, not all companies really do that.

Tomorrow will be my first overtime since Dave will be gone for a funeral. I will be from 6 in the morning until 6 in tr evening. It will be one long day for me. I can’t wait for the weekend. Two days with my Husband and my Daughter is just revitalizing.

Last night, I was on the phone with my Brother for a long time. I know he’s always been the obedient one and I respect the fact that he values what our parents tell him to do. But I think it us about time for him to start being aggressive. The world out here is really tough but I know he is equipped with the right education to be able to tackle everything that comes his way. A Nurse and a Physical Therapist – what else does he need?

So I left him some words to ponder last night. I know I can be very pushy, and Rolly actually said I am a challenge. But I believe in WORDS. They either break you make you. I try to say them the right way though because I too respect boundaries.

Right now, life is going as it must. Despite the challalenges that comes occassionally, it is and will always be beautiful. A journey Rolly and I are taking is coming to an end. And no matter where it will lead us, we will be thankful for the strength it gave. We learned and trusted each other more than ever… I give him all the credit just for being strong all this time.

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