I was thinking of blogging randomly about yesterday but I decided to just do it in order because it will be easier to remember things.

So, work is great. I guess. They were trusting enough to make me do my own thing, of course Davey still checks it after. So far, so good. Caught some mistakes of my own like forgetting Phosphorus on a Renal test that also requires BMP. Does that make sense? A little alien, but I realized that I get smarter on the floor. It is fun to learn new things, and it always gives me more confidence knowing I am given a chance to prove what I know no matter how new I am to the system.

Friday night, we went grocery shopping. I told Rolly we were only there for three items: baby oil, laundry detergent and bottled water. Instead we left with a half a cart of whatnots. Suddenly, we felt that we needed a lot more than what we went to the store for. As we were loading our bags, the other guy beside us was doing the same thing. He looked at us and said: “I only came here for a butter.” I just laughed at him because the back of his truck was filled with grocery bags too. “I don’t know what happened! I wish there is a ticket for only one item!” Rolly answered: “I know what you feel!” Seriously, going to the store without a list always ends up in a disaster!

For our Movie Night, we picked sweet November to watch. It is pure drama. It is a tear jerker… ‘can’t stop crying!

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Yesterday was my official first day and I actually tried working, of course with my lead’s assistance. I feel comfortable because I think it is pretty much self-explanatory. I just need some more time to get familiar with things. I say, both Jill and Dave were very helpful and I truly appreciate their efforts in making my learning experience a smooth one.

But I am missing my daughter at home. Last night she said: “You and Daddy are going to work tomorrow and I will stay home with Auntie Raquel.” I was feeling so bad for her. I really wish my Mom is here with us… I trust Ate Raquel but I’d be more comfortable with my Mom and I don’t have to worry too much if I go home a little late.

Next week, I have to attend a three-day class. Then on the 24th, I think we will be off a little early. Enough time to help Ate Raquel with the cooking. I might have to ask Rolly to stay home that day just in case Ate Raquel needs more time.

On Saturday, I am not so sure if we will be heading out to Bakersfield. Rolly’s neice Jojit sent a text last Monday inviting us for lunch to celebrate her birthday/anniversary. I want to go because they always find time to come over when we are the ones inviting, but I also want to sleep in late. I am so sleep deprived… I go to sleep at around 2 and for two days been waking up at 4 for work. I know Rolly’s been so tired too for this week… Again, we will see how the day goes on Saturday.

Now, I have to go. ‘Done with my 30 minute lunch. Have to be back on the clock!

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Gosh, it’s been a long while since I opened my Med-Surg book and I am back to zero. I totally forgot all seven chapters I read some months ago. Because of the overcast, we stayed home today and I tried to go back to my reading… and I am catching up. I still remember my frequently used drugs, and most topics on my reviewer are pretty familiar. However I think I need some kind of a brain vitamin to boost my memory. Speaking of the “booster” thing, I went to the hospital for my second TB reading and I am negative. I also have pretty good immune system for some of the common illnesses except for HepB. I have a level 3 and the hospital needed a 10, so the HR said they have to schedule me for a booster shot.

Monday is my orientation… I haven’t started yet but I am already missing my daughter. She is my shadow, everywhere I go she’s there. So it will be a big change on Monday. But I know she’s in good hands with Ate Raquel.

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My Father-in-Law sat in dining table for the longest time ever. Usually, he’s the first to leave but not last night. I was even starting to feel uncomfortable so I got up and started fixing up. After everything was done, Rolly was telling me upstairs that he felt his Dad wanted to tell us something. I was thinking the same thing too… I know for the past couple of weeks that they are having some problems with their eldest in the Philippines. Apparently, some frat members are trying to recruit him to join in and the kid was getting scared to go to school. I am feeling bad for Ate Raquel and Dad. I’ve seen them crying over the phone, I am with them everyday and I am a witness to their agony. I am sad that I couldn’t offer them a hand, so all I can do is listen when they tell me something.

I’ve been too close to Raquel. We tell each other about our thoughts, frustrations and plans. I’ve come scratch a little bit Tatay’s surface too. There are things they share in common with Papa… that is, being strict and having such a strong conviction. And Ate Raquel is so much like my Mom. Always quiet, so understanding and always patient. That no matter what you say, she always seem to know how to handle it with grace.

I have long realized that I was given a family I could never trade. That even with my back turned, I know they say praises on my behalf. I have high regards to my Mom, Dad and Brother(s). Sure, no one is perfect, but they are the reason why this life is just beautiful as it is. I am thankful for the significant people that keep me going every moment. Now that I have my own family, sometimes I feel like I don’t measure up. There are those times I wanted to mirror everything with what I left back in the Philippines: A Close Knit Family of Few. Where you can be just yourself, no struggles at all.

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Alyssa just suddenly decided to change her name to Nikki. I don’t even know how she came up with the name but it started when I wen to my physical and she was playing with Rolly. When I came out, of the hospital she has picked the Nikki from out of the blue. So, we’re calling her that…

She is growing up fast. Gosh now that she talks, it is never ending. She says phrases and words I’ve never heard before. She would say: “I have to get a job because I’m going to get married!” At three, she amazes me. She has this wild and huge imagination. She sometimes think she’s Hannah Montana with her guitar. She dresses up and would say: “I am on a fashion show.” When we bought her a Happy Meal at McDonald’s, she chose the Astro Boy toy. She misplaced it some days ago so now she tells us: “Astro Boy broke my heart. He flew away”, the pretends to be crying. She’s a drama queen…

Of course, my units in Child Psychology tells about this phase in a toddler’s life. It is a part of discovering who they are as they grow older. They indeed say the darnest things! At the end, I always make sure that she knows it’s ok to have a big imagination but it is always great to know the real world little by little as early as three…

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It is a sullen moment. One of those rare California somber, heavy cast days when the rain just decided to fall in December. And here I am at the DMV parking lot trying to make the best of it. I wish I am in bed, all bundled up, sipping coffee and watching a movie. I’d been doing that for the past couple of nights. Perhaps, I watched all 2007 and 2008 love-story films. The best so far that I have seen was Accidental Husband (Uma Thurman and Jeffrey Dean Morgan). It is one real date movie… well, Rolly was already sleeping so it was more like a date movie for one person. Lol! He is not feeling well since Thursday. I guess it was because he’s been riding his motorcycle to work early in the morning even with a below 50 temperature. Here in California,that is way too cold already! I’ve been to Hoffman Estates (in Chicago) twice on the winter and it was snowing. I loved it… I love the falling snowflakes. But the chill was just too much to bear.

But this weather comes few times in a year so might as well embrace it. I for one can draw analogy between Weather and Life. When I was in college, I wrote an essay for my Humanities under Miss Jimenez and I still remember because she gave me 97 for it. I wrote:

Life. It is like the turning of the seasons. Winter is the coldest of all. Everybody goes through the lowest point in life. And no matter what it is, it might lead to a devastating loss or could also lead us to having a significant faith. And if we go on to believing in another chance, Spring means go forward. It
becomes the period of activity. Just like the plants, you start growing your dreams. Adapting, building up your foundation, learning and bulking up… Getting ready for what’s to come next. Summer is the season of joy. The time to celebrate, the time to reap. The moment of realizing what you have been dreaming of. And comes Autumn… the time of rest. The calmest of all the seasons when all you hear are the leaves falling. And you sit and watch the beauty of it all. Acknowledging that without the Winter, Spring and Summer, there will never be Fall…

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I am not a big Miley Cyrus fan because I seriously think she is overrated. But her The Climb song hit me on the spot. It is just the perfect song for me (for now)…

I can almost see it That dream I’m dreaming but There’s a voice inside my head sayin, You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking, Every move I make feels Lost with no direction. My faith is shaking but I Got to keep trying. Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain. I’m always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes I’m going to have to lose… Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side… It’s the climb!

The struggles I’m facing, The chances I’m taking Sometimes they might knock me down but NO I’m not breaking! I may not know it, But these are the moments that I’m going to remember most yeah…
Just got to keep going. And I, I got to be strong. Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always going to be another mountain. I’m always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes I’m going to have to lose… Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side… It’s the climb!

There’s always going to be another mountain. I’m always going to want to make it move. Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes I’m going to have to lose… Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side… It’s the climb!

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The old company I worked for in Irvine called me up today to offer me a job. If I have received the phone call some weeks ago, it would be a very easy decision on my part. VQ was my family for a long time. And I was given the chance to work with great managers and supervisors when I was there. They gave me opportunity to learn and to grow within the company… and I maintained good relationship with everybody else. I would love to go back there but there are things I have to discuss with Rolly before I make any decision.

One thing that is holding me up is a great chance to work with one of the best health care providers in Orange County. Though there are some minor issues surrounding this opportunity, I am willing to just ignore everything and go forward with it. Aside from that, I am just excited and ecstatic to start on the 14th.

What’s facing me now are options. I am very thankful my efforts and hardwork at VQ are being acknowledged. Now, it is just a matter of reconsidering…

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Today, I took Alyssa to the mall for a little shopping. I got her some new clothes and also a bag of building blocks. She loves them. Tomorrow, I have an appointment at the hospital and I will be taking Alyssa with me. And since it will be on the afternoon, we will be picking up Rolly from work too so he doesn’t have to ride his motorcycle nor take the bus heading home… I actually miss the city that’s why I always take the opportunity to drive to OC when given the chance.

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At 28 and for couple of months, my learning experience is fast forward. When I see my reflection, I don’t see that same naive person that I used to be. The once gullible Rosalyn seemed to have vanished away. Now, I am left with the feelings of uncertainty. I doubt the world even with the goodness that it brings. I know behind every pleasant thing that I see is the reality that is awaiting to be uncovered. Always two-faced just like a coin. Always two-sided like a story. Every situation is an iceberg, what you see above water is just a fraction of the whole thing. There is more to it than you expect.

As I reflect on my everyday existence, I realized I haven’t lived my life the way some people are doing it. In a way I am at peace knowing that I have shown the best of what I’ve got. I have smiled and laughed my heart out, and opened up the pages of my life to friends. In the process of gaining allies, I lost my sense of security. At the back of it all, I know I was perceived to be someone needy. Needy for assistance, for help, for understanding. Needy for everything. I AM NOT THAT PERSON.

All my life, I haven’t accepted favors that would make me feel better as a person. Nor did I provide aid just because I wanted something in return. And if I could, I would refuse to take in assistance just because I don’t want to be in debt. That is the worst of it all, having a debt that has no specific payoff. But Rolly always know what to say: “You owe this to yourself and not anybody else” or to make things lighter he would make statement like: “You owe me because I forced you to doing it.” Seriously, if he’s not on my back always pushing and encouraging me, I wouldn’t even give things a chance.

The bottom line, it is indeed hard to be in between a rock and a hard place. Damn if you, damn if you don’t.

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