I agree, words can be powerful. The way you choose to say them define you. As much as a word makes you, it also breaks you into pieces. There is this known phrase in the Philippines that goes: "You can physically hurt me and when the bruises are gone, I might not remember it. But emotional torture, that I won't forget." Something like that... it is always better when you say it with the original language but I hope it is well translated. Basically, what it wants to convey is that the pain that words inflict is almost forever. It is infinite, it never ends. It will never be forgotten and will always be remembered.

Gone are those days that I just sit and cry and keep everything to myself. I take challenges so as long as it is not personal. And I always stand by my idea that IF I have something to say that might be hurtful or insulting in any way, I will try to rephrase it. And I am living with my promises of keeping personal stories that were said to me forever a secret. This is my journal. And as you go through each line, it reflects my own experiences. Nobody else's. It describes my OWN feelings. Nobody else's. For IF I am to transcribe everything I heard, I will be breaking the bond with just one entry.

My 360 Project is photo taken by my Dad. I am breaking my rule, copied the photo from my sister-in-law's website and posted it here because yesterday, I had long conversation with my Mom. The person that is always there on every level of my life. The one who celebrated with me on my little successes. The one who feels more pain and yet remains stronger when I am in my misery. The person who I always run to and she embraces me back with such comforting arms that melt all my worries. She is the most gentle of all Mothers. Never did I say anything nor complained about how she raised us. She turned her back on a fine Australian scholarship to take care of her kids. And years after, she finished up her Doctoral Degree (like my Dad) and still remained humble.

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It's our second Sunday at Saint Mary Magdalene Church here in Corona. Saint Anthony's in Sta Ana Canyon is just way too far away so we decided to look for a closer place of worship. This one is a smaller catholic church so it is community-based. I thought the building was tiny but to my surprise, it can accommodate a big crowd. I like it... I feel at home.

Anyways, yesterday's sermon was about SAINTS. Fr. Tran said we are all saints since baptism. Saint is defined as a sinner that believes in God. We are still in the process of becoming HOLY SAINTS, those who are canonized and are recognized as belonging to God. It is a simple homily and yet full of thought. One thing that I associate with the sermon is the fact that we are all sinners. I for one acknowledge that I am; that on my imperfection, I am subject to earthly sins. I would never claim to be someone else I am not. Nor think others are lesser of a person. I would not wipe someone else's dirt before wiping mine. The fact is, I am still myself despite of words that were said to me. It might have changed my views about TRUST, but it would never alter my idea about how BEAUTIFUL THIS LIFE IS.

I want to say I am saint on the process of becoming HOLY. And I say process because I understand how long and how hard it would be to be even close to one. As the priest say, the first step is knowing your RESPONSIBILITY. And mine is to PROTECT my daughter, LOVE my husband, continuously RESPECT my family, BE graceful even in times of distress, LISTEN to those who need my attention, and SHUTTING my mouth IF I don't have any good to say. I would not BELITTLE people nor would I take away their self-love and self confidence. If I am to fulfill these, then I will be ready to touch others' lives. Because I ask: Who is capable of doing such without first fixing up his/her own life?

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Ate My and family came to dinner here in Corona so I helped Ate Racquel (my Father-in-Law's wife) cooked papaitan and guinataan. Sometimes I really feel bad because I can't keep up with her. I keep telling my Mom how she is almost like Ate Cita. Always finding stuff to do. And to be honest, I am not used to it. Someone was always there to do things for me... my Mom always cook when I was in the province. When I moved to the city, my Brothers took really good care of me. When I got married, the only thing I know was to cook rice and fry eggs. I was spoiled, you can say that... but I was never a brat. I appreciated everything that was given and done to me...

Right now, I am very thankful for having Ate Racquel. I will truly miss her when it is time to move on. I've known her for seven years now, but for months that we've been together I have come to know her better than anybody else in the family. I like it that we understand each other on things that are rarely said. We shed tears and we listen to each others fears and frustrations. For a long time since we came back from the Philippines, I found a friend that understands... almost like a sister. Someone to trust.

The dinner was great as usual. Rolly's family is bigger than mine that sometimes I still get lost in the middle. One thing that I have to work hard on is my PEOPLE personality. I can easily talk in a crowd but I just am not comfortable at all. Growing up in a small family of five, I was used to smaller occasions and get-togethers. I loved it... it was my life in a nutshell.

After today's dinner and fixing up, Ate Myla started taking pictures. It was funny we had to take ours few times because my big arm was showing! Boy, I gained a lot of weight since I gave birth with Alyssa. Weight that is taking me years to take off! Glad I am tracking down my calories now, or else I will be too huge when we go home for a vacation in the Philippines by next year.

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I miss HOME. The place where I can stay on my little space and not worry about anything. Where I stay up late watching the stars just wondering about life. Where I snuggle under the warm covers and feel comfortable. Nothing too complicated to think about. Where I can be my own self. Be free. Just be free...

I miss the HOME that cultivated in me Love and Compassion. The home that showed me the real peace I now know I can never find anywhere. Where I don't have to try hard to be someone else, or even pretend to belong. My friend once say, it does not matter where so as long as your heart is where you are; then it is home. HOME is a sanctuary, it is not just a place to be.

The Holidays are fast approaching and it reminds me of a lot of things. Those ones you have to be thankful for, and those ones that you miss dearly. My family is always in my mind. The people back HOME that never judged HOW MUCH I MAKE but praises how much I worked hard for what I get. The people that continuously listen and understand even when I mumble the words. Those ones who never fail to let me know that MONEY is not what defines a person, but patience does. Family... they are my HOME.

Don't get me wrong... my Husband is just wonderful as always, so as my Daughter. They are the reasons why I am choosing to stay. They anchor me to the grounds so I don't float away. They are the logic behind the explanation as to why I am still sane. They are the only people I have and the HOME away from HOME.

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It was a really good Halloween night. Alyssa had so much fun except for the fact that before we started the trick-or-treat, our fun time almost got ruined.

Anyways, back to the fun thing because that is what I really want to write about. I just got carried away because I got pissed big time last night. Alyssa had so much fun and she actually walked around the neighborhood and up the hill. The neighbors thought she was cute that she actually got more than a handful of candies on every house we went to. She now knows the idea of Halloween night. Here are some pictures I took in the morning. I will still upload the few photos from the actual Trick-or-Treat night.

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I took Alyssa shopping for her Halloween Costume this morning. It took us three tries until she finally said yes to her Butterfly dress. She originally wanted the Wonderful Witch but the dress was kind of short and I was thinking it might be called during the trick or treat. We opted for the purple one with wings. I got her new shoes and black tights to match the outfit. I ended up spending over $50.00! I could have bought a really nice holiday dress for that at Macy's. Gosh...

After she put it on and I took pictures of her, I thought she looked so cute that I forgot ow much it cost me. Here she is! This photo is another of my RAW photo collections and also today's Project 360.

Popularity: 13% [?]

After almost seven years, I finally am now a citizen. It's been long overdue. If not the need to have someone take care of Alyssa, I probably am still an immigrant. Rolly was asking me how I felt on our way to the oath taking and I kept telling him the same thing: I don't feel any different at all! After the Oath and watching/hearing God Bless the USA, that's when I finally came to my senses. And I actually am very happy like everybody else on the ceremony to be given the same privileges as those who are already citizens. It is in fact very liberating!

I will be posting some pictures later today taken after the ceremony. If you ave questions on the procedure, you can use a very powerful and simpe search engine called QueenTorrent. Withfree torrents and helpful ones, you can find answers to almost everything.

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Personalized holiday cards are just the best way to send your Season Greetings to family, friends and clients. HolidayClassics.com offer great prices for the cards you need for the holidays. I love their layered look, they sure represent my style. Rolly in the other hand is going crazy about their "embossed" selections. They have everything including budget cards to help you save money for other extra gift items you might find on their website. I am telling you, they have a lot of choices and they are great stuff too!

I was not able to post for my project yesterday. I was so busy with my book because my 20% off is almost here and I want to avail of it really bad. I am posting this photo I took of Alyssa for her babyGap casting call.

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I didn't do much today. This morning after cleaning up the car, we pretty much stayed indoors. Tomorrow is the start of the official cold season already as per Jackie. Let's see... the weather was a little unpredictable lately.

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Well, the holidays are coming up! Thanks Giving is almost here and Christmas too is fast approaching. I seriously should start looking into holiday cards. One that is very elegant and I want is personal because I send cards only to family and close friends. I heard Birchcraft offer high quality cards. They specialize in Wedding Invitations however, they also take pride on their fine Holiday, Announcements and various invitation cards. I also love the fact that you can order promotional products like mugs, cups, pens, and also stamps and forms used in businesses.

Hopefully I can figure out what the style I want before the weekend. I don't have to wait for two weeks, I want to mail them in now or it will be too late.

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